It's been a long time since I last blogged. I was busy with my stuffs and also many things happened between this period of time when I don't get to blog.

Well... Basically, my life was well spent I suppose but still there is just one thing that wasn't satisfied and it's my heart.

Losing someone that you love deeply and watching her getting further and further away from you. It's kind of heart breaking because you know that the one that once love you doesn't love you anymore is trying to get into some kind of distance.

Although I have been telling myself that I wants to carry on but I just can't. Every night before I sleep, I will think of her. Hoping that she is doing well in her work, with her school and everything. The first thing when I woke up in the morning, was hoping that she have enough rest and wasn't too stress in work and school.

Whenever I heard that there is something happened to her, I will be worried and of course I want to be by her side no matter what. I know that there isn't any reason for me to be there but anything about her I just can't let it bypass. It just hurts when I know that she is suffering and I can't do a tiny bit of help for her.

Everyday, whenever my phone rang, I was hoping that it was her that texted me or called me. Of course, if I know that she choose not to reply me that hurts even more.

If one day we were to be together again, I will never treat her like how I used to. I seriously regretted whatever I have done. I know it's too late but I still hope that she give me one more chance. Sincerely hoping.

~~~

Hello! I guess I'm just stupid. Sent a message thinking that she wouldn't replied and ended up she did. But when she replied, I don't dare to read the message because I know the content would not be something I want to see. Hence I choose not to read it. Hahaha! Living in a self denial world now. Somehow I just know what the reply would be. I guess I no need to read it I would know the reply too.

Hmm... Recently there are a lot of changes that happens in me and everyone finds it strange too. So maybe I should explain? LOL! WHY SHOULD I? hahahah!

Ok! Let's start with the first one. "Why nowadays you are so happy in the mood?" Well... People close to me (you know who yourself is) might know the reason behind every changes in me. So for those who don't know here is the time.

Why am I so happy? Because I'm trying to cover up every unhappy past thoughts with my laughter. I might be laughing out loud but deep down in my heart is bleeding like running water from the tap. So people please understand if you happens to find me behaving like an idiot.

Why the sudden taking up reading?

Hmm... Alright, to be honest. At first reading wasn't something I would like and I even hate to step into library unless I'm going there to study. So what happened? Haha! Not sure. Maybe it was because in the past she reads a lot and I started to take up reading because of her I guess. That's what my heart is telling me. But now reading is like a drug to me, I can't live without a book and it prevent me from thinking a lot too.

Why the suddenly intake of cheese and oyster?

hahahah! Well... This question is obvious I guess. Haha!

OKOK! Enough of the why. Haha!

Anyway, there are much more changes from what all the people told me but well, this a just some forms of action that are trying to hide the past of me.

Anyway, only in front of my cousins I can really behaves how I want and only they will accept who I am and protect me from all sort of harms.

Can't really get into a relationship now because somehow I'm still holding on to the past. Sorry Pei San and sorry for being harsh to you because I really didn't want you to wait for me. It's not fair to you if I'm only going into a relationship with you because of getting over her. Sorry! Hope you understand. We are still friends but no more than friends. :)

Alright! Gotta go! Reading time!!!!!

I'm Back!

Hello! I'm back after so long. It have been a long time since I last blogged. Wow! It's kinda of freaking long I guess.

Why is that so? Because I was enlisted. For the past 3 weeks I was plainly inside the camp, doing PT (Physical Training) and stuffs. Training to be fit, fitter and fittest. LOL!

Hmm... Not sure why, but my physical and mental outlook change. Mindset and stuffs change too. LOL! I wonder why. LOL! Not bad. Giving myself a good clap! Haha!

Alright. Nothing more to write already. Gotta go. See ya!

BOOK IN!

Today is Terry's book in day. Accompanied him in to Tekong together with Jun Chong and Chun How. Had lunch before going in. Hmm... Tekong had changed so much since that time I went and it really change a lot.

The bunk are also not bad but too bad I don't get the chance to stay there and actually I don't get the chance also never mind at least I no need to travel so far just to book in. Make sense? Not bad not bad.

Overall not bad. Enjoyed though although the tekong stuff took us plenty of time. We were all beat up after that. Haha! But at least Terry won't be alone because we are there rooting for him. He seems happier.

The only thing I can say is cherish.

Follow your heart, your feeling and you will know what you want.

Wonder why.

Hello. Waking up so early in the morning. Wanted to sleep in later but somehow I just can't go back to sleep. Have problem sleeping last night too. Don't worry I'm fine. :)

Sometimes I have been wondering that this phrase once bitten twice shy is quite true. I haven't been lying since that time but I guess once bitten twice shy stuffs is quite true as someone doesn't believe in whatever I say. I don't find the point in lying anymore but still...

Had a tiff and things went odd. Everything was so nice until that day. I don't understand why too. The changes are so huge that I totally can't grasp it. But it's ok and I'm fine.

I guess I understand why though. By the thought but it's ok.

2nd Post of the day.

People, places and things sure brings back a lot of memories. Memories that brings back happiness, sadness or perhaps even anger however still it's a piece of your life. Everyone have to go through up and down in their life that's why it's call life. You have experience stuffs to make you grow.

Perhaps in life there will be regrets but still life still goes on. When it's regret, work things out ensure that you won't regret it the second time. If you lose something, then go get it back. Everything in your life does not come by just because they have to, instead you are the one that are unknowingly getting them. You choose what to hold on to and what to let go. If you think you should be holding something and it's beyond your grasp, fight for it, work things out to go for. If you believe in that something, fight for it and don't lose the belief.

Wondering why am I saying all those stuffs right? It's just a thought for the moment that happens when I'm at the playground. Nowadays, sitting at the playground became my interest, it's my must do stuff everyday I guess. Peaceful and sound so calm.

I've the feeling of going to East Coast Park tomorrow. I push off everything tomorrow. I'm going to travel there by bus tomorrow. Wondering when was the last time I went there to relax and sort out thoughts. It seems like I have a lot of stuffs to sort out.

Turning in. Goodnight.

If only she will be there once more.

~~~

Hello! I'm back and currently using my bro's new laptop to blog. My com is not spoiled just that I was using his com to play battlefield and now I don't feel like playing already so come back blog.

Well... Hmm... Things don't seems to be happening the way I want it to be. When you have everything planned and ended up people are destroying it. What's the point? Plans are something for people to destroy at the end of the day. Cool right? LOL! Anyway, it doesnt matter already. Giving up hope. Not the Hope in the Pandora ar. LOL! I should have know everything from the start that it's not going to work at all.

Well... Anyway, it doesn't matter at all. Hmm...

Alright, last night went to celebrate Terry's birthday and also the farewell dinner for him. He is going to NS in 2 days time and we are going to celebrate it with him. Went to eat in Soup Restaurant the food there not that nice as compared to the time I went to eat during mother's day. But still overall not bad.

I can only said that Terry is super rich. He was actually intending to treat everyone of us but of course ended up we didn't let him pay. The process of asking him to take the money was so long that I'm so lazy to type out but ended up we are still able to force him to take the money. So not bad.

Went to watch smurf after that, a lot of people was saying that that show not bad but ended up it's not bad but very bad. I almost slept in the cinema. It's too draggy and not that nice some more and one more thing. I watched 3D. That's even worse.

Anyway, still not bad. After all Terry enjoyed. That's the motive. Alright, Today's weather is not bad, I think I should go for a jog. Since my illness I haven't been jogging. Today is a must to jog. A MUST!

My cough came back again. So irritating. It's getting on my nerve. Feel like pulling the whole lung out.

Alright. I'm going to jog already. This weather really not bad. Alright gotta go.

Just hope that things will goes the way I want it to be in the final week.

All the best!

...

Hmm... Heard another problems again. I just heard from my friend that she had been having a cold war her bf and it have last for a week already. That's like so long. COLD WAR and I totally hate that. It's not good to have a cold war at all.

I was asking people to cherish their relationships before it's too and they are telling me they hope and stuffs. Like they don't even bother. So why the hell do you wanna get into a relationship if you don't wanna cherish it. Just a companionship? Hais...

Anyway, just got back from the playground again. That is the only place that I can keep my mind out of anything and think. I read again and I'm completing the book soon. Good good.

For some reason, I'm happy. I don't know why. :) Or perhaps I know why? Haha!

It's like catching a lightning the chances of finding someone like you.

It's one in a million the chances of feeling the way we do.

Hence, cherish it before it's really too late.

Hmm...

Hello! It's about 0305 in the morning. Wondering what am I doing so early in the morning? Well, it's suppose to be what am I doing so late at night.

Actually, I just came back from meeting that usual bunch of friends. Went to play monopoly and have supper. I'm surprisingly not tired. First time, after coming back from supper and I'm still so energetic. Lol!

This afternoon, went out with Terry to go shopping. Bought some clothes and a slipper. Someone said that I wear the slipper very ah peh so bought a slipper that don't look that ah peh. Lol!

I was so tempted to buy the blueberries when I saw it in cold storage. Ended up I didn't buy because afraid that no one wanna eat.

Oh oh! While playing the card, we were sitting outside the mac and there it says no smoking area but the smoking area is just beside the non smoking area. What's the different? We are still being a passive smokers. No point putting smoking or non smoking area. It's super pointless.

Alright. I'm going to read books to make myself tired. :D. Goodnight!

Weird

This afternoon went over to JP to meet Christina and Richmond. Actually was there to get something from Christina. But meet way something weird happened, for some reason they... quarreled? I don't really know when they quarreled. When I saw them they were still normal until halfway through the walk in JP and they become like this. Like Richmond was storming the front and Christina was walking at the back. So the three of us was like walking in a straight line with Richmond far in front, I'm in center and Christina at the back. Weird right?

Anyway, after dinner. Richmond was like hurrying to go home and I don't understand why. He got his stuffs and left very fast. I am not sure what had happened he just walk so fast that even not waiting for us or perhaps his girlfriend, Christina and board the train and leave for home. Wow. I wouldn't do that. That was like so..... Anyway, just weird. If I wasn't there, means Christina would be left alone over there? OMG! And she actually said that she was used to it. He even texted her to ask her to shut up when she is unknown of what happened.

That's so weird. I asked him to cherish her. But he told me all those nonsense which forever I don't understand.

Guys! Cherish the one with you now and tolerate her. You love her for who she is and same goes for her. I wished to cherish mine too but I realised this too late. Your's still not late. Cherished it before it's too late. Don't be like me. Regret whatever I had done. :)

~~~

Met up with Chun How and Terry for dinner, after that proceed to Terry's house there to play game. Playing with two of them forever won't win. It's like 2 against 1. So yeah! Didn't win at all.

While walking back, bypassed the playground again. Went over to sit down at the bench. The breeze was so cooling that I sat there and read the last book of Percy Jackson in my iPhone. It was so cooling, wind blow and not much of people over there. Quietness fills and the scent of the plants giving off oxygen. Relaxing and cooling. Just like reading outside the backyard of a house.

Read till 10 plus then I leave for home. Calm~ Relax~ State of mind I have now.

OH! By the way, my cough is cured. No longer coughing. Promised that I will get it recover before she comes back and I really done it. Haha!

Gotta go! Continue with the book. Hope she's doing well. :)

Missing Someone, Something, Somewhere.